Tobin's Story:

On Tuesday, June 15, 2010 I received a phone call from my OB's office. The doctor explained that there were some concerns they had with my ultrasounds. They were seeing "red flags" that indicated there could be something wrong with our baby. We were then scheduled to meet with a specialist that Friday. The next couple of days felt like the longest days of my life. Friday morning we first met with a genetic counselor. She went over what they were seeing in my previous ultrasounds and what they would be looking for in the ultrasound I would have after we talked with her. Basically there were two things that they were looking for: Down Syndrome or Trisomy 18. She went over what each of those meant and answered the questions we had. We then went in for the ultrasound with the specialist. The specialist came in and explained what they were seeing in the ultrasound: 2 vessel umbilical chord, cysts on the brain, extra amniotic fluid, clenched fists, a cleft lip and clubbed feet. As he went over each thing my heart broke and I wept. When the ultrasound was finished we met with the specialist in his office and he shared with us that he believed our baby had Trisomy 18 which meant that our baby was incompatible with life. He gave us the option to terminate the pregnancy. There was no way we were going to do that. We loved this sweet baby and wanted to show him that love and make the most of his life whatever that may be. We scheduled an amniocentesis test for Friday, August 20th. This would confirm if he had Trisomy 18 as well as confirm the gender of our baby. The specialist prayed with us before we left.

I remember thinking August seemed so far away, but when August 20th came it seemed so quick. I was extremely nervous about the test, but it went rather quick and smoothly. On Monday, August 23rd (Dave's Birthday) we received the preliminary results of the amniocentesis. They did in fact find 3 of the 18th chromosome. Our baby had Trisomy 18. They also shared with us that we were having a baby boy. Dave and I held each other and wept. How could this be?!? After officially hearing the news Dave and I decided we needed to come up with a name for our son. We wanted it to have special meaning. It took us about a week to decided his name: Tobin Kendall. Tobin meaning "God is Good" and Kendall being Dave's grandfather's name and his father's middle name. We truly believed and continue to believe that God Is Good and wanted others to know that.

On Monday, September 6 after a few days of not feeling any movement from Tobin, Dave and I went in to the hospital for a non-stress test. I prayed so hard that God would allow us to hear Tobin's heartbeat. The nurse continued to move the Doppler around on my belly searching for his heartbeat. She explained to us that she wasn't confident enough to tell us that the heartbeat she was hearing was mine or his and so she would call our doctor to have an ultrasound done. Our doctor came and did the ultrasound. After a few minutes of scanning he showed us where Tobin's heart was and explained that there was no heartbeat...Tobin had passed. We decided to be induced the next day. Tobin arrived Wednesday, September 8, 2010 at 4:06am. He was 2lbs 1oz and 12.5inches long. He was so beautiful and I cherish every moment we had with him.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Memories of a Year Ago and Adding New Memories

The last couple months have brought a lot of mixed emotions for me.  May started out with Mother's Day landing on the 8 month anniversary or our sweet Tobin being in the arms of Jesus.  It was an emotional day for me as it is a tradition to have a baby dedication on Mother's Day at my parent's church.  I remembered what joy Dave and I had as we made the commitment to raise Michaela to love and serve the Lord and I reflected on how while I was carrying Tobin we prayed that whatever amount of time the Lord gave us with him that his life would be one that would reflect and honor or Savior.  Towards the end of May I was reminded of certain milestones during my pregnancy with Tobin.  The end of May was my first ultrasound I had with Tobin.  At the time of the ultrasound we weren't aware that anything was wrong, but 2 weeks later in June we had another ultrasound because they couldn't get everything they needed in the first still unaware that there were any problems.  They very next day my whole world came crashing down.  I received the phone call that changed my life forever and has changed the way I look at ultrasounds and pregnancies.  There were so many appointments and times of unknowing that as those dates reoccur this year I am reminded at how crazy my life was last year at this time.  

My experiences with Tobin have made me more cautious and reserved with our third pregnancy. 
I have been both nervous and anxious for my 20 week ultrasound, which happened to be this morning.  In the past our families have been present at the ultrasounds, but I really wanted it to be just Dave and I this time as I knew it would be an emotional time for us.  It was a bitter sweet moment.  The technician was wonderful.  She told us everything she was looking at and why and as our precious baby was being projected on the wall in front of us I was scanning and looking for any of the indicators we saw with Tobin.  We saw our baby's little hands open and waving to us (this was exciting as Tobin's fists were clenched...a sign of Trisomy 18).  I watched the due date measurements as she measured our baby's head, arms, and legs and they were right on (this was exciting as Tobin measured 2 or 3 weeks smaller on these things).  The technician looked at us and said, "I don't see anything that concerns me, your baby looks perfect!"  We were so happy to hear those words! 

We also found out that we are having another little BOY! :)  Michaela and Dave both guessed right...I had a feeling it was a girl, but there was no question about it!  Michaela can continue to be Daddy's Little Girl!  So we are pleased to announce we are expecting Aidan Alan Courson to enter this world the beginning of November.

We appreciate continued prayer as we anticipate Aidan's safe arrival as well as we continue to miss and grieve our precious little Tobin.  We have been trusting in God's PERFECT plan for our lives and although we don't understand why he took our Tobin so quickly from us we are so thankful that we have the HOPE we will once again see him in Heaven.
Posted by at No comments:
Subscribe to: Posts (Atom)