"God is Good": March 2012

Tobin's Story:

On Tuesday, June 15, 2010 I received a phone call from my OB's office. The doctor explained that there were some concerns they had with my ultrasounds. They were seeing "red flags" that indicated there could be something wrong with our baby. We were then scheduled to meet with a specialist that Friday. The next couple of days felt like the longest days of my life. Friday morning we first met with a genetic counselor. She went over what they were seeing in my previous ultrasounds and what they would be looking for in the ultrasound I would have after we talked with her. Basically there were two things that they were looking for: Down Syndrome or Trisomy 18. She went over what each of those meant and answered the questions we had. We then went in for the ultrasound with the specialist. The specialist came in and explained what they were seeing in the ultrasound: 2 vessel umbilical chord, cysts on the brain, extra amniotic fluid, clenched fists, a cleft lip and clubbed feet. As he went over each thing my heart broke and I wept. When the ultrasound was finished we met with the specialist in his office and he shared with us that he believed our baby had Trisomy 18 which meant that our baby was incompatible with life. He gave us the option to terminate the pregnancy. There was no way we were going to do that. We loved this sweet baby and wanted to show him that love and make the most of his life whatever that may be. We scheduled an amniocentesis test for Friday, August 20th. This would confirm if he had Trisomy 18 as well as confirm the gender of our baby. The specialist prayed with us before we left.

I remember thinking August seemed so far away, but when August 20th came it seemed so quick. I was extremely nervous about the test, but it went rather quick and smoothly. On Monday, August 23rd (Dave's Birthday) we received the preliminary results of the amniocentesis. They did in fact find 3 of the 18th chromosome. Our baby had Trisomy 18. They also shared with us that we were having a baby boy. Dave and I held each other and wept. How could this be?!? After officially hearing the news Dave and I decided we needed to come up with a name for our son. We wanted it to have special meaning. It took us about a week to decided his name: Tobin Kendall. Tobin meaning "God is Good" and Kendall being Dave's grandfather's name and his father's middle name. We truly believed and continue to believe that God Is Good and wanted others to know that.

On Monday, September 6 after a few days of not feeling any movement from Tobin, Dave and I went in to the hospital for a non-stress test. I prayed so hard that God would allow us to hear Tobin's heartbeat. The nurse continued to move the Doppler around on my belly searching for his heartbeat. She explained to us that she wasn't confident enough to tell us that the heartbeat she was hearing was mine or his and so she would call our doctor to have an ultrasound done. Our doctor came and did the ultrasound. After a few minutes of scanning he showed us where Tobin's heart was and explained that there was no heartbeat...Tobin had passed. We decided to be induced the next day. Tobin arrived Wednesday, September 8, 2010 at 4:06am. He was 2lbs 1oz and 12.5inches long. He was so beautiful and I cherish every moment we had with him.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Big Sister

Two years ago we announced we were expecting our 2nd baby! Dave and I were so shocked and thrilled! Michaela's 1st birthday was just a few weeks away and I was in the midst of planning her big celebration...feeling sick and tired. I went out with my dear friend Sarah and bought a BIG SISTER shirt for Michaela so that she could wear it to announce our exciting news to family and friends. Looking back at the pictures we took, I can't believe what a baby Michaela still was. We didn't know at that time what pain would come with the joy we were feeling.

I am in the midst of planning Michaela's 3rd birthday party and memories and thoughts find a way to flood my mind. We are so excited and thankful for the 3 precious years we have had our sweet Michaela. She is so much fun and brings so much joy and laughter to our home. She loves being a big sister to both Tobin and Aidan! She is a great big sister!

There are several times that Michaela will hug Dave and I and say, "I love you Daddy! I love you too Mommy! I love Aidan too! And I love Tobin!" I know people think that she is too young to remember Tobin but we have made him known in our home as an important part of our family. Michaela knows where Tobin is with Jesus and that he has no more owies! The other day we drove past a cemetery...not where Tobin is buried, but Michaela shouts, "Mom look! That's where Tobin is!" He is in her thoughts daily too!

Not a day goes by that we don't miss our precious Tobin. There have been some family, friends and friends of friends who have experienced the loss of children...each one a different situation from our own, but the pain is the same and is still there. In knowing the pain and grief that comes with losing a child, I find myself investing in their grief. It breaks my heart to see others experience the loss of a child. When Michaela and I pray during the day we have several families that we pray for who have experienced the same heartache we have experienced. There have been lots of tears shed and a lot of questioning as to WHY?!? We just continue to cling to the promises of our Heavenly Father and trust in His plan. We know that God is Good!

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