Tobin's Story:

On Tuesday, June 15, 2010 I received a phone call from my OB's office. The doctor explained that there were some concerns they had with my ultrasounds. They were seeing "red flags" that indicated there could be something wrong with our baby. We were then scheduled to meet with a specialist that Friday. The next couple of days felt like the longest days of my life. Friday morning we first met with a genetic counselor. She went over what they were seeing in my previous ultrasounds and what they would be looking for in the ultrasound I would have after we talked with her. Basically there were two things that they were looking for: Down Syndrome or Trisomy 18. She went over what each of those meant and answered the questions we had. We then went in for the ultrasound with the specialist. The specialist came in and explained what they were seeing in the ultrasound: 2 vessel umbilical chord, cysts on the brain, extra amniotic fluid, clenched fists, a cleft lip and clubbed feet. As he went over each thing my heart broke and I wept. When the ultrasound was finished we met with the specialist in his office and he shared with us that he believed our baby had Trisomy 18 which meant that our baby was incompatible with life. He gave us the option to terminate the pregnancy. There was no way we were going to do that. We loved this sweet baby and wanted to show him that love and make the most of his life whatever that may be. We scheduled an amniocentesis test for Friday, August 20th. This would confirm if he had Trisomy 18 as well as confirm the gender of our baby. The specialist prayed with us before we left.

I remember thinking August seemed so far away, but when August 20th came it seemed so quick. I was extremely nervous about the test, but it went rather quick and smoothly. On Monday, August 23rd (Dave's Birthday) we received the preliminary results of the amniocentesis. They did in fact find 3 of the 18th chromosome. Our baby had Trisomy 18. They also shared with us that we were having a baby boy. Dave and I held each other and wept. How could this be?!? After officially hearing the news Dave and I decided we needed to come up with a name for our son. We wanted it to have special meaning. It took us about a week to decided his name: Tobin Kendall. Tobin meaning "God is Good" and Kendall being Dave's grandfather's name and his father's middle name. We truly believed and continue to believe that God Is Good and wanted others to know that.

On Monday, September 6 after a few days of not feeling any movement from Tobin, Dave and I went in to the hospital for a non-stress test. I prayed so hard that God would allow us to hear Tobin's heartbeat. The nurse continued to move the Doppler around on my belly searching for his heartbeat. She explained to us that she wasn't confident enough to tell us that the heartbeat she was hearing was mine or his and so she would call our doctor to have an ultrasound done. Our doctor came and did the ultrasound. After a few minutes of scanning he showed us where Tobin's heart was and explained that there was no heartbeat...Tobin had passed. We decided to be induced the next day. Tobin arrived Wednesday, September 8, 2010 at 4:06am. He was 2lbs 1oz and 12.5inches long. He was so beautiful and I cherish every moment we had with him.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

It's Been 2 Weeks

How am I doing?  That's a good question.  I really don't know the answer to that question.  I'm living day to day. It has been two weeks since Tobin's Memorial Service and what a beautiful service it was.

As I sit here thinking about the reality of all that has happened, I cannot help but think about the blessings that God is pouring out on us through friends, family and people we don't even personally know.  We have seen Him in more ways than we ever would have.  Through notes, cards, gifts, words of encouragement, meals, visitors, pictures, flowers, phone calls, hugs, tears, smiles and so much more we have seen God at work.

Even though Tobin's life was short, I have already seen and have been told how his little life impacted the lives of others.  I think that is what every mother would wish of their child, that they would have a positive impact on the lives of others.  From the moment Dave and I found out we were pregnant with Tobin we prayed that the Lord would use him to bring honor and glory to Him.  We prayed that he would grow to love Jesus and that others would see Him reflected in his life.  Although we didn't know how and would not have chosen this way ourselves, we know that God Is Good and that He used Tobin to bring honor and glory to Him.

When I found out that there was the possibility of something being wrong with my pregnancy I started a journal.  I began writing down thoughts, verses, prayers and letters to Tobin.  I am hoping to share some of those with you through this blog.

Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers and encouragement.  We really appreciate it.
Posted by at

3 comments:

  1. AnonymousSeptember 25, 2010 at 11:45 AM

    It is so encouraging to see how you are leaning on God every step of the way. I can't imagine the questions and pain you must feel. I'm starting to find out the benefits of writing and sharing thoughts. It surprising how many people have shared similar experiences until we openly share. As soon as I read what had happened I was happy and sad at the same time. Sad due to the experience that you we're going through but happy because I knew not only would you be able to grow in Christ through this and one day see your baby again with your Saviour's face. Great to see the blessings of God through your strong family and friends.

    ReplyDelete
  2. UnknownSeptember 25, 2010 at 10:41 PM

    I love you, Beth! Thank you for starting this...You are brave and strong and I am praying that the Lord continues to give you strength as you live day by day!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Mrs. VSeptember 26, 2010 at 10:06 PM

    I work with Nancy and have been praying for your family. I think your blog is beautiful and your children are so lucky to have such wonderful parents. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers daily!

    ReplyDelete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)