As we just grieved the loss of Tobin and celebrated his 3 year heaven birth date, I wanted to share with you what I wrote:
I remember when I found out I was expecting our 2nd child.
I remember the excitement.
I remember the heart stopping phone call.
I remeber the nervous feeling as the ultrasound technician rolled the video over the warm goo on my belly.
I remember seeing your precious profile with your clenched fists up by your face and laughing that you were ready to fight.
I remember the joy and sorrow felt with every kick.
I remember choosing your beautiful name, Tobin.
I remember the deep dark silence.
I remember the pain in my left side.
I remember your tiny nose, your 9 fingers, your soft dark hair, your beautiful cleft lip, your precious tiny clubbed feet.
I remember your smell.
I remember your soft skin.
I remember your cold body that no matter how many blankets I wrapped around you, you wouldn't get warm.
I remember the innocence of your sister holding you.
I remember the blood stained blankets and clothes.
I remember them taking you away.
I remember screaming in agony.
I remember walking out of the Baby Center with empty arms.
I remember watching your Daddy carry your box with tears streaming down his cheeks.
I remember the emptiness.
I remember the darkness.
I remember the hope.
No matter how many years go by, I will always vividly remember Tobin's story. I look forward to that beautiful day when we will be reunited again...